Venting with Coworkers: Is it Productive? It Can Be, If You Do It Right.

REAL TALK FROM REAL TEACHERS

• “I know venting at work is probably not good for me or my coworkers… but it feels good and there’s a lot to complain about.”

• “I use to b*tch all the time at work. But now I know the walls have ears. I won’t make that mistake again.”

• “The worst are the gossipers. I can’t stand it. It feels like we’re back in high school all over again. We’re supposed to be the teachers, not the students.”

• “I’ll admit that my best friend at work is my go-to for letting it all out. We both vent endlessly and probably look forward to it more than we should. But that’s also how we’ve gotten so close over the years. We constantly laugh, moan, and cry about everything at work. I’m not sure I could survive in this career without her.”

THE PROBLEM

According to Will Bowen, best-selling author of A Complaint-Free World, the average person complains between 15 to 30 times a day. So yeah, people b*tch, and complain at work (it’s not just teachers). Is it harmless? The science says there’s negative effects to all that b*tching and complaining.

1. Neuroscientist and mindset coach, Emily McDonald (@emonthebrain), says that “Complaining, judging, or criticizing others can actually change your brain to make you less focused, productive, and decrease your problem-solving skills.” She goes on to quote Hebb’s law which has proven that if you’re constantly focused on the negative, then you’re more likely to see the negative (Times Entertainment).

2. So, you’ll perceive things more negatively, but it turns out you’ll also become more negative yourself. This is explained by a psychological phenomenon called Spontaneous Trait Transference, where people who describe others people’s behaviors or traits end up being perceived as having those same qualities themselves (Psychology Today). What’s the saying, you are what you eat? Well, you are what you SPEAK, too! We can’t help but think of Violet from Willy Wonka turning into a blueberry after chewing the blueberry gum. Don’t become a blue-berry at work!

3. And, if you’re not worried about turning in to a blueberry, then you should hesitate to complain too much because you are actually driving down overall workplace productivity. A study by Michigan State University reveals that negative-minded workers are more likely to become mentally fatigued and defensive, leading to decreased productivity (Welcome to the Jungle).

4. What about trauma bonding at work? The act of commiserating together over similar perceived traumas? Is that good? According to The Mind ReMapping Academy, no, it’s not. “Trauma bonds lead to increased stress, anxiety, and depression among employees, ultimately resulting in burnout and reduced job satisfaction.” Michelle Skipper, a conflict resolution specialist with over 20 years of experience, supports this idea. She says, “Social bonds based on negativity can ultimately be detrimental, undermining team cohesion and productivity… It affects morale and has a ripple effect that even leadership may struggle to address.”

THE SOLUTION

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. The Teachrz Lounge is a newsletter whose tagline is “B*tchin’ for Change!” We must be hypocrites! Actually, no. Just the opposite. There’s a positive and constructive way to “b*tch,” and that’s what we’re all about.

1. Everything in Moderation. First, we’re not saying you shouldn’t ever complain or b*tch. There is some benefit to it. Mainly, it helps us build social bonds, as Tom Sterns, a revenue consultant explains, “People like to commiserate, right? It’s a common behavior in society. For instance, someone might say, ‘It’s really cold outside.’ This kind of commiseration is our natural tendency to seek social bonds.” Complaining helps bring us closer together over a shared feeling, idea, or perspective, so it definitely has it’s place, as long as it’s not overdone.

2. Have Purpose. What’s the best way to b*tch? Psychology professor, Robin Kowalski who has performed lots of studies on “emotional venting” says, “Those who complained with the hope of achieving a certain result tended to be happier than those who simply did so for its own sake” (The Atlantic). So, in other words, b*tch with purpose! You can gripe to your colleague, but then you should ask for their advice on how to improve the situation. Try to come up with a solution or alternative way of addressing the situation.

3. B*tch to the Source. In an article titled Does Complaining Make Us Feel Better?, Brenda R. Smyth offers more advice and calls it “effective complaining.” She says, instead of talking to a colleague, you should go straight to the source and talk to the person who can affect change. “This type of complaining can be empowering… and it can make you feel more in control.” Plus, you might actually solve the problem you’re complaining about!

4. Focus on What Matters. Lots of research says complaining about trivial affairs is wasted time and energy. Focus your efforts on what one study called “intellectual challenges.” People who complained about intellectual challenges were viewed as more intelligent than those who complained about trivial issues (SageJournals). So complaining about the cold pizza that your administration served you on your PD day? Probably not worth the energy. But that extra task your department chair asked you to do that you truly don’t have time for? Go ahead and bring it up to them (in a productive manner, of course).

For this week’s homework assignment, you have 2 options. Pick whichever one speaks to you the most.

OPTION 1: The next time a coworker is venting to you, challenge them to find a solution or alternative way of processing their complaint.

1. First, acknowledge their gripe. Tell them it’s valid (even if it’s not!). People like to be validated, and you’ll have more success in the next step when you try to change their mindset.

2. Next, offer a different perspective. Say, “I know that sucks, but have you considered this…” If they’re complaining about student behavior, for example, suggest a different classroom management technique, maybe an alternative seating chart, or have them schedule a meeting with the parents of the students who are causing the most trouble.

3. Lastly, follow up with your colleague afterwards and see if things improved. Listen and support them! If all else fails, have them go straight to the source and ask a dean or administrator for support.

OPTION 2: The next time YOU want to vent to a coworker, challenge yourself to find a solution or alternative way of processing your complaint.

1. You can vent to your coworker, but then ask them for their support and see what suggestions and advice they have for you.

2. Acknowledge that you’re frustrated, but also admit that you’d like to find a solution so that you’re not just b*tching 😁 

3. EXTRA CREDIT: Get more than one colleague to join you in this productive venting session and make it a goal this year to b*tch with purpose. Work together to air out your complaints and find some solutions. EXTRA EXTRA credit if you do it over drinks at happy hour!